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(Source: rbertdowneyjr, via hip-hop-lifestyle)

if you’re bored, read my short story. 

Runner Boy

a short story.

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ridge:

IM FUCKIN SCREAMING 

dreamy-sluts asked: Heyy! When you find this in your ask, share 5 facts about yourself and then pass it on it your 10 favourite followers ❤️

Cool!

1. I am extremely frugal with money because I was exposed to a lifestyle where my parents will talk about money and how much things cost in front of me, which makes me paranoid about spending and living in the moment.

2. I secretly love to sing but my voice is so congested that I am hesitant to do it in public.

3. I sometimes think about the heroes in my life and flirt with the idea of naming my children after them, and I’ll say it out loud to see what it sounds like and whether or not I can find a way to make a mean nickname out of it. Basically, I was supposed to be named Luke or Sloane, but my uncle said people would call me Lucas Pukeas, and Sloan is a brand of toilet. So I’m Nate.

4. Sometimes I’ll gamble in my head to see if something will happen. For instance, I’ll think, “If it rains tomorrow, I’ll be successful.” Usually it does not work out for me. At least it’s not with money, just with fate. 

5. I am strongly considering joining the peace corps after I graduate college.

JUNE_KNIGHTS--edited

this is an edited copy of JUNE_KNIGHTS, a multimedia script I wrote in June. It’s missing some things but I added some things as well. I kinda like it better because it’s more friendly. I wrote the first version after just having read On The Road, so the language was trying to mimic that of Dean Moriarty.

Let me know if you have any questions. I’d love to discuss it with you, even though there really isn’t any plot but living in the moment. I’m thinking of making a video explaining it. 

Later,

Nate

editing June_Knights and writing a short story. 

(Source: Spotify)

This is a mess.

My folks set a terrible example for me. Everything’s falling apart at the seams. Family isn’t a thing I can say I positively have, because everyone has such strong feelings to be the one who is right , that it is embarrassing to open up or ask for help. I know what will follow.

I just want to sleep. And for this to be over. I’m sorry for anyone I’ve stopped talking to who feels like I’ve pushed them away. I don’t know how to be compassionate or show love. It’s really hard. I don’t like being negative. I hate negativity but every force around me is naturally so pessimistic that it’s hard to dance around. And I can’t talk to anyone in my life anymore but shrinks about this stuff. Since I know it costs money I have no way of expressing my emotions to anyone. This is a final front for me. It’s like my mouth is being slowly sewn shut and I won’t be able to call for help because no one wants to be the one to stop and be here.

I have until the 15th to be back at college. I’m still scared about being alone again and scared about being connected on this level with someone my own age. That’s why it’s hard for me to date; I can’t see anyone being willing to take all of this in. But I know I couldn’t last here.

I stole my parent’s cutlery knife set and have had it for over 3 years. It’s in my closet and always reminds me that I have lasted this long, but I also don’t think doing myself in is that cowardly. I just wish I didn’t have to worry so much. It won’t ever end, and no one will ever ever be able to crawl inside my brain and watch a 20 year old movie as to why I am the way I am.

As much as I want help, I know have never gotten the kind that I need from the internet.

I used to love life and have aspirations and goals but they’ve all been watered down so much that I want to throw in the towel. I just don’t have that sense of wonder anymore in the way people wonder about the possibilities. I have the sense of wonder in the way people wonder about what could possibly be so great?

I wish I was alone from family so I couldn’t be sucked in. I used to want to live in Australia. I just want to be away from everyone I’ve ever known.

I want to feel needed and appreciated and thanked. And family doesn’t do it in a way that’s genuine, they do it in a way that’s fake to get on with their lives. I want to be the center of someone’s life who is just like me. Because anything less is pointless. It’s what my folks have. It’s pure, black, vapid, contractually-obligated-or-pay-the- piper.

I wish I had a big brother like Luke. He saw through all of the negativity and managed to accomplish his mission. Luke used to be on this site and was the only source of constant determined inspiration here, then he left without so much of a goodbye.

I want someone to tell me the answers because this is not a joke, and yes I do need your help ordering college books and transferring and I may not be grateful but I will be moving.

I want to be here and be in the future too.
I want someone beside me.
I want to love this more.
The end.

I…fuck it. This shit is so hard.

I’m gonna be in Holland, Michigan for a week.

Just to remind everyone this blog is for the interesting shit that I do in my life… It’s not for Gambino or anyone else. I’m trying to chronicle the shit that’s important to me. That’s why you might not see me posting as often as I used to. I don’t want there to be any need for me to filter anything so there aren’t as many pics or vids I reblog anymore.

Selfies from Utah